Money and love are both very complex topics. Here are six common financial dilemmas in relationships (and how to tackle them).
Money can be awkward to talk about, but let’s break the financial ice. I’ll share my exact opinion and see if you agree with me.
Six Common Financial Dilemmas in Relationships
1. Dating while in debt
Is it fair to date when you’re in debt?
If you have debt, you can absolutely date. You’re worthy of love simply because you exist. Yes, debt can feel like financial baggage and a major stressor, but don’t put your love life on hold. Simply start working on your finances while you’re dating or single. If you have debt, but a plan to pay things off, this is attractive to a potential partner. What could be a deal-breaker is when you have debt, and are constantly stressed, but you don’t address financial issues.
2. When’s the right time to talk about debt when dating?
I’m a fan of dating intentionally and communicating upfront. However, if you have debt, you don’t need to bring this up on the first few dates. In dating culture it’s common to only go on one date. Unfortunately, it’s usually clear it’s not a match, so then you don’t need to dive deep from day one.
I’d bring up debt somewhere between the fourth date to before you are exclusive. In other words, if someone might ghost you and hasn’t proven they’re a match, you don’t need to spill the details right away.
3. Who pays for what?
Should dates be split 50/50, or should the man always pay?
Culturally men tend to pay for the first few dates. There are long-standing cultural traditions with romance. Even strong feminist often expect men to pay for reasons, like the gender gap. Men still statistically earn more for equal pay. Or the pink tax is women pay more for the exact same products like razors or shampoo. Plus, women also tend to pay more on additional beauty products like makeup, nails, etc. when dating.
Initially if a man offers to pay on the first couple of dates, I’ll always accept it and be sure to thank them. Then I’ll pitch in after a few dates.
4. Joint vs. separate finances
Should couples merge their money or keep things separate?
When dating, keep your finances separate and as the relationship progresses share more information about the specifics of your finances. Have discussions about your income, net worth, budget, and financial goals. Talk about expectations for sharing expenses on dates or experiences like traveling together.
Then if you do get married, two people become one. And so do your finances! I’m a fan of joint accounts for married couples. If you have separate accounts, you’re still splitting shared expenses like housing, subscriptions, groceries, childcare, etc. It doesn’t make sense to Venmo your husband or wife!
5. Spending vs. saving habits
What if one partner is a saver and the other a spender?
Opposites attract! If one person prioritizes retirement savings plus frugal living and the other doesn’t, this can cause friction. Try setting shared visions and goals. The saver can share details on their what exactly they’re saving for, like early retirement or purchasing a home. The spender can then share what they like to spend on like concerts or weekend get aways together.
Try to enjoy the differences or view this as a way to grow. The saver is challenged to enjoy the moment more and the spender learns how to plan ahead. For married couples also try having a Monthly Executive Money Meeting where you collectively look at your income and expenses for the month.
6. Financial secrets (a.k.a. financial infidelity)
Is it okay to hide money or purchases from your partner?
Honesty with finances is always the best policy. If you’re married, unless you’re buying a present, you need to be open about your purchases, especially debt. Having a secret credit card or line of credit is breaking trust and like financial cheating.
When you’re dating, you don’t need to disclose all your purchases. It becomes a red flag if you’re actively hiding something like debt or even a large inheritance in a committed relationship.
Happy Valentine’s Day! Wherever you are on your financial journey, always remember you are worthy of love.
❤️Carly
P.S. Are you in a relationship and avoiding these money talks? If so, you’re not alone. Share this with your partner to help break the financial ice.
